Monday, November 29, 2010

Letter from Someone Who Nearly Loved You

_ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _ _

First off he had sent a letter, and she had  replied by email;
but nevermind.    He had shared with her all - all he
couldn't with the people around him because of the pain it
might cause.  When her reply came he was so nervous and excited
that he was unable to open the communication for several
days.  He noticed her user name the day before Thanksgiving,
and he didn't end up opening it until Sunday evening.

At first the letter filled him with gratitude and relief.  He
started composing replies in his head.  It was encouraging,
even tender.  Regret was expressed at the distance that
had grown up between the two.  He felt encouraged and
continued thinking about the proper reply - e-mail it had to,
be; it would be ostentatious to return to  the post unilaterally -
and the mood lasted for some part of an hour after he left
thc computer.  He read nothing after her letter of course.

Slowly, slowly suspicion began to grow on him that
he wished she had not answered him, that it was 
her listening which he valued so highly.  What
he had loved about her was he knew she heard him
even when she did not respond.  He was soon certain
he would have preferred her silence.  But how could 
that be? She had been so open to him, spoke of facing 
her own aloneness as she lost an uncle who had always
meant the world to her.  How would she live with him gone?

Suddenly  he realized what was bothering him.

Whether she had intended it so or not, her writing
had turned into an acknowledgment of all the people
who meant more to her than he did.

_ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _ _ 

No comments: